"i thought i felt your shape but i was wrong" --how perfect.
( 03.05.2004 )
i hate being here. charley visited me for 6 days (feb26-march2nd). it hurt to let him go. on the last day, while i was crying in front of him, he gave me his watch. told me to return it to him the next time we see each other. i really admired the gesture.
it's very difficult without him here, though. the past couple nights i have woken up a few times believing that he is lying next to me. my hands are moving around the bunched-up covers and i think "i feel his arm.." so i begin to desperately look for his head and cannot find it. then i sadly realize he isn't really there. devastated, i go back to sleep. in the morning, i wake up in a lethargic, saddened state.
i don't want to go to sleep anymore. i'm afraid to wake up - clutching empty covers.
bah. being here just hurts.
