RANT RANT RANT.
( 01.08.2004 )
i think i'm becoming bitter, or at least rather easily angered.
i am getting so tired of people quoting Radiohead's "Creep" for their eating disorder. perhaps it is my friend's* aura influencing my agitation, but regardless, it irks me.
*my friend who is quite the fan of Radiohead, to the point of being elitist of who should and should not listen to them. [hah]
really, i should simply stay away from places that involve anorexia/bulimia/COE/EDNOS/etc. it's simply not worth it. i will always browse the TF, though. there is something very welcoming about that place that i can never resist. i'm not 'triggered', mind you; i will just always consider myself a member of that community. but with the TF aside, i'm pretty much sick of those other places.. 'supporting' people's EDs. ohhh, they say they are "NOT PRO-ANA", but you see everything flooded with goal weights and tips and ways to disguise your eating disorder.
yeah, you're not pro-ana.
yeah, you're not promoting anything.
here is a lovely example of one 'ana' person's opinion:
"i have realised why people hate anorexics so much. everyone desires to be thin. well we are achieveing it. but they hate us because we are what they wish they could be, yet we want to be even skinnier. they hate us because they see us as thin and we see fat. they hate us because they cannot even begin to comprehend what it is like to struggle with this mental disease. they think we enjoy it. they think we can just stop. they hate us for it.
they hate us because we are becoming the girl every guy wants to bang and every girl wants to be.
thin is sexy. bones are sexy. being fragile and tiny is sexy. guys don't want a girl that can kick his ass. they want a very feminine tiny girl that they can pick up and throw over their head."
yep. everyone is jealous of your diseased little mind and body. i sure wish i could be plagued. then i could lose everything: weight, mind, body, self-worth, friends, life, etc.
don't get me wrong, i know what it's like to starve. and to purge. and to CONSTANTLY have numbers jumping in my head over and over. but when someone says that other people are craving that, it gives me a complete mind-fuck. i would never want that shit back. i'm happy and content with my body. sure, i'd like to tone some things up, but i know i'm not repulsive.
also, if the individual that i quoted has an eating disorder because she is concerned with what guys want, i think that's -- what do you call it? --pathetic. if that's her motivation, well, way to go. (or else, perhaps she is trying to justify her ED). good job on reverting back to living for someone else [other than yourself]. it kind of seems like feminism is stifled significantly because of mindsets like that.
i may go days without writing, but boy do i make up for it.
