---nothing
( 12.23.2003 )
sometimes i don't understand how i'm considered attractive. before i continue, i'm not asking for reassurance. i suppose it'll come off as a semi-whiney 'reflection', but so be it.
but really, it doesn't make sense. i have always felt like the unattractive one of the group. you know, the ugly girl with pretty friends. i'm not sure how i came to that conclusion. i guess it made sense at the time..? who really knows.
and i suppose now i'm growing up and some people are deeming me as pretty? i don't know whether to give them a thank you or to cry.
i wake up to myself every morning and i simply cannot see what others see. i am still ME. whether i am 5, 12, or 17 years old.. i'm still ME and i can't escape it. it gets to the point where i don't even want a mirror. did you know that there were times [days] i simply wouldn't look in the mirror? i would enter the bathroom with my eyes facing the floor - or even the light off, just so i wouldn't look at myself.
i am really not that self-loathing now. i'm not even sure why i'm writing about this. perhaps this is simply one of those unpretty days that i felt i needed to go on and on about. maybe i'm just thinking of the past.
