pretend all the good things are for you. pretend all the good things are for me too.
( 12.08.2003 )
it seemed as though the days would only get progressively worse, but since friday, everything has been back to normal. [normal?]
i'll be leaving the snow and these cold days behind on the 11th; sadly, it's only temporary. i will return on the 16th, which is terribly too soon..
all these changes are frightening me. i don't know what i am really doing anymore. i tell myself that i have to wait for things, but.. it's difficult. i don't like the fact that i'm not really doing anything right now. it makes me feel as though i am useless; in a sense, wasting my life.
yeah, & then i don't feel the best & then i don't want to tell anyone & i know that's a shitty thing to do to my psychologist as well as my boyfriend and my friends and my family.. but just for ONCE i want to be considered to be "normal." i don't want to be the unstable, cutter-girl that is shy and is expected to be weak. i'm tired of that. i don't intend to always go against the flow. i don't mean to do things unconventionally.
i guess i think that i can easily be replaced; i'm not that different from other people.
