i don't have time to hang around in this town. maybe, maybe i should think to stay. maybe i won't ever return.
( 11.01.2003 )
i realized far too soon on my walk that i should have brought more than one tissue. i sniffled my way home through the brisk weather.
once inside, i headed towards the stairs and managed to collide with the door leading to the downstairs. it's so evident of how talented i am. following that, i cried. emotions had been building up, and that was the final incident it took to cause me to crumble. even a couple hours later, i found myself crying. i knew why the latter happened; i really miss him. i swear to you that it hurts the more i realize i can't see him tomorrow. or next week. or the week after. etcetera. i simply don't know when.
i feel so.. uncomforted.
but you know, i am all right. if i really think about it, it's not so bad. i try and keep things in perspective. (and additionally, i have God's peace and His presence.) but i am not going to mask my longing. i really fucking miss him.
i get so tired of being here. i should not complain, though. complaints will not change my circumstances. it will not transform me geographically. it will not add a year to my age. it will not perfect anything. it just reinforces the fact that i enjoy feeling pity for myself. that is rather disconcerting. i don't want to do that anymore.
{And I claim I'm not excited with my life anymore
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it's myself} /modest mouse/
