always contemplating. resistance is fading.
( 09.11.2003 )
every few hours of these past days, all i can think about is cutting. there it is; blunt.
why does it even matter so much anymore? --why does it matter whether i do or don't? i'm so tired of debating between yes and no.
i want to feel something.
anything.
i've never felt so fake when i smile.
i feel as though people expect me to simply [and instantly] move on. i should just feel better, and forget.
sorry. i'm really sorry. i just can't feel good right now.
everything seems so insignificant. even whatever i've written up there. anything and everything seems so trite, dull, and pointless. i always feel the need to end my sentences with nevermind, just forget it.
