& all in all i guess it's for the better if you just can't feel a fucking thing
( 09.10.2003 )
i've never felt this out of control. the situation is so.. mortal. how else can i describe it?
i've.. never received so many phone numbers to call in my life.
this hurts so bad. he's just not going to EVER be there anymore. maybe if he would have died in a car crash.. or a sickness. maybe i wouldn't feel so fucking responsible all the time.
i remember when i told him that this song reminded me of him.
i'm just so tired of remembering. and crying. and then feeling numb. and then it starts all. over. again.
i don't know what to say anymore.
