why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you
( 07.28.2003 )
it just kind of hurts. & then i wonder how real it all is. if it's real. when it'll be real.
am i feeling too much? is that possible? the girl who AVOIDS feelings is suddenly in abundance? (since when?)
i suppose i can't take that he's nearly 2,000 miles away, and then..
i'm
just
here.
i've been fighting crying. and i'm not sounding eloquent about any of this. and i don't fucking care.
i find myself between breathing harder and not even taking in breaths --
i think about the future, and i get scared. i wonder if i'll have to figure it all out alone?
but really. he calms me down.
