/ edit / the sad parts
( 07.21.2003 )
you'd think i'd be more tired than i actually am.. waking up to an alarm clock that sounds 10x louder than before, not even getting 5 hours of sleep. but i jumped out of bed with this bizarre energy. i know it's slowly deteriorating, but hey - i like not feeling as though i'm dying in the morning.
you wouldn't believe how girly [juvenile?] i've felt lately. whenever i start to feeling really good, i begin to think i'm getting carried away and it's all going to disappear. i tell myself that so i won't hurt when it's all gone.
i just know whenever i raised my hopes skyward about someone, they always seemed to land right down at my feet again. so i keep saying "it probably won't work anyway. don't fret. don't think. don't even hope."
that's a little hard, though.
